I have not been able to workout doing anything but (sometimes) yoga for almost four weeks due to the onset of some very uncomfortable digestive issues and a yeast infection that would not go away. I had bloody stool consistently during this period, and was very worried that something was *very* wrong (as anyone will be when blood is present in the stool consistently).

I am not a doctor of medicine — though I am a doctor — and I spoke with my naturopath and a “normative” doctor about these problems. I have been diagnosed with yet another autoimmune disorder, and this was actually a relief to learn because after about 15 years of trial and error troubleshooting my list of other autoimmune disorders, I have learned what works for me to get my body to stop attacking itself: ask it what is wrong, and then listen.

That sounds easy. It isn’t.

So, I laid down in my bed and got into a meditative state and then I asked my body what is causing this autoimmune response. My body began to tingle immediately (I am in the habit of “speaking” to my body and asking it for answers, and with time, it responds more readily), lighting up all at once. I knew the answer right off for why I was experiencing so much pain and so many symptoms during the last month.

I began to cry as I opened myself up to feeling the shame, guilt, and to really allow myself to SEE what I was avoiding, and what was causing me so much stress. Then, I sat down with my husband and told him what I learned: that the time was actually not right for me to be adopting from foster care at this time. I laid out all the reasons for this. I talked about how guilty I feel to be making this decision, and how I need to put a plan in place to address my guilt.

Crohn’s disease, in my case, was cured on the spot as I was able to see clearly why I was “holding on” to certain things that were causing me a lot of pain.

It’s amazing, because the next morning my yeast infection was gone. The swelling and pain in my abdomen that had caused me to go up two pant sizes in one month, was gone and I could wear my normal clothing without pain. I have been having normal bowel movements without blood. I am now on day four of this, and was was able to workout today for the first time in so long.

It’s amazing how the body will cause illness when emotional or energic imbalance is apparent, and it’s wonderful how the body holds the secret to what is wrong for anyone who is brave enough to really listen to it. Hearing what the body knows means that you have to trust the body, and that is not easy in this culture; that is not how we were raised. Some “undoing” needs to happen around our relationship with the body so that healing can happen.

But I just wanted to write that this month-long process has highlighted for me, too, that my constant “recording” of exercise and nutrition through my life is a hinderance for me in my spiritual emotinal and energic growth, I feel. So when I exericsed today, I did without my smartwatch, without logging it into my fitness diary, without aiming for a certain burn or time frame. I just invited myself to “be” in it.

And that, my friends, was very empowering.

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